I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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