I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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