note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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