Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
