Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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