I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
