These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
