Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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