I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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