The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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