I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
