so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
