remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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