What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
