my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
