You made me cry and you don't even care
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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