I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
