So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
