There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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