like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
