just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
