I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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