I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
