my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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