just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
