Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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