erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
