What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
