I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
