awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
