I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
