I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
