so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
