their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
