I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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