Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
