Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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