Got a toothbrush?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
