I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
accomplished twins. life is a go
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
