Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
