I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
