She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
