I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
