I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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