Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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