Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fill condoms, not promises.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
