Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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