my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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