Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
