Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We need to get me chipped asap
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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