Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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